Friday, May 13, 2011

Soccer or Hockey? Hmm...

So I’m not sure if you’ve heard? But I think maybe there’s some kind of hockey thing going on in Vancouver right now? It has something to do with blue and green? Nah, just kidding – I’ve watched every minute of the Canucks playoff games and I know most of you have too. But all this focus on hockey is making me feel a little sad for my beloved soccer which, I would like to remind you, is the most popular sport in the world. (Just not in Vancouver.)

This fact was really driven home the other day when I saw an ad for tickets to a Canadian soccer match which said ““Tickets so cheap you can even take people you don’t like to the game”, and below that, where you click on the link for the ticket price, it said “Seriously? From $17.00?” They are even mocking themselves for being so cheap. And it was a bit tough to see just a few hours after viewing a friend’s Facebook complaint about paying $400 apiece for Canucks tickets for the next round.

I know, I know, the Whitecaps are an expansion team just starting out and are winless in their last 9 games while the Canucks are riding a wave of popularity ever since, well, forever, and especially since Kessler hoisted the whole team on his back and carried them through to the third round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. I realize this is not a comparison of apples and apples. And yet, I feel compelled to make it. I know some parents who are struggling with that decision of hockey or soccer right now for their kids, so I’ve gone ahead and drawn up a comparison for you. It's completely unscientific and contains no research or proven facts at all, but you may still find it helpful.

Reasons to become a Canucks hockey player

- The pay is a lot more. A lot, lot, lot more.

- You don’t need to coerce people come to your games. Also, you win a lot.

- Apparently goals can even be scored from behind the net in hockey. (Unfortunately, most of those goals are against you, though.)

- That crazy homeless guy unshaved look is acceptable. Plus, you can save money on haircuts, since you will probably get them less often.

- There is the potential to get fashion tips from Don Cherry.

- You can play soccer with the Sedins in the hallway as part of your warm-up.

Reasons to become a Whitecaps soccer player

- You might get to keep all your teeth.

- No pesky hockey pads bulking up your svelte silhouette on national television.

- No need to worry about those behind the net goals.

- You can have a crappy game without everyone constantly talking about how you let them down.

- None of this Kessler-style-mid-game-stitches-without-freezing-and-get-right-back-out-there-nonsense. In fact, if you’re tired, just fake an injury and lie down for a while until they bring the stretcher out. You may even get a free kick out of it.

- There is the potential to get fashion tips from David Beckham.

- You get to play soccer all the time.

That last one is really the kicker. Need I say more?

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